he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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