my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me I should be a condom model.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
