Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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