"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
