I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
