One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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