if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
