Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
