I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
