somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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