My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
