Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
