I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm always down for nudity.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
