I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He did a backflip because drugs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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