Well douche your snatch and let's go!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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