I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
