non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My balls are so social today.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
