sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize