I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
