she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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