She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
