But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
