I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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