Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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