and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
