So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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