I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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