I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize