I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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