; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
