Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
only you would photoshop your dick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
