I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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