i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
