i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize