I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
