I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
