We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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