Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
