Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
