You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize