i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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