Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
