guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
