your parents love me but you hate me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
