dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
