I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
