when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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