Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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