Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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