your room smells of hookers.
And success
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
