If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
