I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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