She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
