He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
