I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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