I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
