We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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