I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
