And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
