If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
