I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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