Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
