Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
