If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
