Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
